


Frogging

by Hermaline75



Series: Darcy, Loki, and the Yarn Store [5]
Category: Captain America (Movies), The Avengers (Marvel Movies), Thor (Movies)
Genre: F/M, Fluff and Smut, Human AU, M/M, Mild Angst, Multi, Rebuilding, Relationship Problems, Yarn store AU
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-07-12
Updated: 2014-07-29
Packaged: 2018-02-08 13:37:14
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 18
Words: 19,741
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1943169
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Hermaline75/pseuds/Hermaline75
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Darcy tries to put things back together but learns sometimes you have to tear things apart first.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> In knitting, frogging is the act of pulling knitted fabric apart, either to start again or to correct a mistake.  
> Apparently so-called because you 'rip it, rip it'.

Darcy rolled over and accidentally head-butted Steve in the shoulder. He winced slightly but didn’t seem to wake up. She slipped silently out of bed and headed for the kitchen.

She’d forgotten he was here.

Admittedly, that wasn’t her fault. She hadn’t brought a boy home in years. Not even Loki had slept here. They’d always been at his place.

Ah, yes. His place. His place that had burned down barely 36 hours ago. Right. That.

She cradled her head in her hands against the counter and heard Steve’s footsteps stop in the doorway.

“Are you alright?” he asked quietly.

“Yeah.”

He didn’t believe her, she could tell.

“Why don’t you go back to bed and I’ll make you breakfast?” he suggested. “I’m sure I can find everything by myself.”

Jane had made her eat last night. She hadn’t especially wanted to, but it had been more of an instruction coming from Jane. And then when Steve had called, Jane had encouraged him to take her home and look after her.

She slipped back under her sheets, still warm from their bodies, and stared at the ceiling, distantly hearing Steve moving in her kitchen and rattling dishes.

It was going to be a week before the store would be considered fit to be refurbished. That just meant the structural repairs, not that there were many, the checking of plumbing, heating and electrical systems, and the replacing of the glass that had been blown out during the fire.

After that, she had to get a plasterer, and someone to do the floors, and then repaint the whole place and try to get furniture from somewhere and a new sign and only then could she think about moving the yarn in and reopening.

It was going to take months. Months of worrying and stress and no income to speak of. She remembered months ago, Jane saying that she ought to save for unforeseen circumstances. She had some savings, and the insurance would cover most of the big stuff, but it was still worrying.

Steve made her cheese omelet. He was better at those than at whatever chicken thing he’d made her previously. She ate it dutifully, trying to still the whirl of thoughts in her mind.

Her phone buzzed against the night stand. She glanced at it and laid it back down without reading the message.

“Not replying?” Steve asked from her right.

“Not important.”

It had been another message from an acquaintance asking if she was alright. The first couple were fine but after more than five it had started to irritate a little and she’d stopped responding. Which she knew was ungrateful of her, but she couldn’t help it.

If gossip that bad stuff had happened made it around, then gossip that she was fine could too.

“Can you take me to Bucky’s place this evening?” she asked, not-so-subtly changing the subject. “I don’t actually know where he lives and I said I would go.”

“Sure. I mean, if you want to.”

“I do. I want to go. I want to have an appointment that I actually keep this month.”

“Do you want me to come with you?”

“No. I mean… it’s his hour, you know? I’ll get the bus home, it’s cool.”

“Only if you’re sure.”

“Look, Steve, I’ve got to get through this by myself. I’m fine. Really, I’m fine.”

He looked away for a moment.

“I’ll drive you,” he said. “But just so you know? You don’t have to get through this alone. You’ve got me, Jane and Thor, Loki, Bucky and all those people who you keep ignoring texts from. Family. You’re not alone, Darcy.”

She sighed. “Poor wording. It’s not what I meant. I just… I don’t need someone to hold my hand at all hours of the day, that’s all. I already feel weird. I want to try to feel normal as soon as possible.”

“Alright.”

Since he was freelance, Steve decided to give himself the day off. Darcy tried to resist the urge to feel sorry for herself and made him marathon bad TV with her. She was glad that his arm around her felt like comfort, not pity.

It was still a different kind of comfort to the one offered by Bucky when Steve dropped her off at his building, knitting bag in hand.

Bucky lived on the ground floor of a 60’s build apartment block. It was nice, in a perfunctory way. Clean. Darcy was almost afraid to touch anything; the faint scent of disinfectant hung everywhere. It also felt faintly unlived in. Like Bucky was getting ready to move out. He had furniture and everything strictly necessary to live, but none of it felt homely.

Except the pictures propped up on a small table. Only a few, but so carefully presented that she had to look at them while Bucky was making her coffee. A group of soldiers, all smiling at the camera, lounging around a jeep looking like high school jocks. Bucky and Steve at a New Year party, cheeks flushed and eyes glassy with booze, arms lazy draped over each others’ shoulders. A much younger Bucky, aged about 14, with a man and a woman. His parents, Darcy realized, moving back with a start, suddenly feeling like she shouldn’t have looked.

She sat hurriedly on the couch, unpacking her needles, trying to pretend she’d been there the whole time.

“I hope this tastes OK,” Bucky said, returning with a mug. “It’s all done by a machine. I never use it. But it’s designed so I can use it with only one hand, y’know?”

She sipped it. It was good. Really good.

“Did you put syrup in this?” she asked.

“Might’ve. I picked one of the little tub things at random.”

“Well, it’s very nice, thank you.”

He nodded and held up his knitting. “So, I did four rows. How do I join in the gray?”

It was so nice to be asked a simple knitting question. Darcy felt like no one had spoken to her without a faint edge of care and pretense since Wednesday. Even Loki. She didn’t notice it so much with him though since Loki often walked the truth tightrope.

As a result, trying to talk Bucky through adding a different strand of yarn into his scarf was refreshing. Sitting carefully watching him form stitch after stitch felt normal, even if her surroundings weren’t. The quiet was nice too, the gently familiar sound of one of Bucky’s favorite albums washing over her.

She smiled at the thought that she was probably getting more out of this ‘therapy session’ than Bucky was and he seemed to catch her look.

“Steve driving you crazy, huh?” he asked.

“What? No. Well, yeah. But he means well.”

“Yeah, I know that situation. Don’t worry. He’ll calm down in a few days. You gotta let him worry or he’ll burst.”

“He’s not the only one. My best friend is treating me with kid gloves too.”

“Do you want… advice?”

“Do you have some?”

“Let them worry. Let them get it out of their system and when you demonstrate that you are fine, maybe they’ll back off.”

“But I am fine. I keep telling them…”

He stopped mid-stitch.

“It’s alright not to be fine,” he said, slowly and deliberately. “And it’s important to know that saying you’re OK isn’t the same as being OK. And I get that you don’t want to burden anyone and that you want to recover by yourself, but maybe you should accept help before people don’t want to bother anymore.”

She stared across at him.

“Are we talking about me or you?” she asked.

“I’m using my experience and giving it to you. Take it or leave it.”

“Well, the last time I checked, people are still bothered about helping you.”

He tilted his head. “I actually wasn’t talking about after I lost my arm.”

She blinked and her eyes flicked to the picture table. His parents. He’d only mentioned that they’d died, he’d never offered any other information about them, except that he’d been 17 and they had died.

If he saw where her gaze went, he didn’t mention it.

“Look, bad things happen to good people, Darcy. It happens every day. So you need to do whatever it is you need to do to accept that something bad has happened to you and it’s OK to break a little before you put yourself back together.”

“What do you recommend?”

“I don’t know. Whatever you need. Cry. Watch stuff that makes you cry. Eat a bucket of ice cream by yourself. Whatever. I mean, I don’t recommend drinking until you throw up because I’ve tried that and it just makes things worse. Also no drugs, but I don’t think that’s a potential problem for you. I mean… excuse me for being crude, but if I were you I’d fuck Steve. Not that I want to fuck Steve. But a little comfort sex? Could help.”

She hesitated. If this had happened three weeks ago she’d have probably fucked Loki for around three cumulative hours since Wednesday already. She didn’t feel any desire for sex right now. But she didn’t think that was what she needed.

“I don’t really want my first time with Steve to be associated with this,” she said carefully.

“That makes sense. But I’m serious. Do whatever you need to. Let it out.”

“What if I just want to stay in all weekend wrapped in a blanket and feeling sorry for myself?”

“Then do that. And then next week? Get up. Get out. Start moving forward. But don’t drag out your suffering by refusing to accept what’s happened to you. That’s my advice.”

She nodded carefully. It would probably be hard to convince Jane that this was a good idea. Maybe she just wouldn’t tell her.

“If anyone asks, I’ve gone to visit my mom.”


	2. Chapter 2

She called her mom. That was true. And she got sympathy and advice and love and that was nice. She called her dad too and got a slightly gruffer version of the same.

But the truth was that she hid away in her apartment for three days, wearing a dressing gown, eating trashy food, crying, not showering, and generally being a slob until she felt better.

It maybe wasn’t the best form of healing but by the time she opened her curtains on Tuesday she felt ready to take on the world again.

Not like she had a choice, because she had to go down to the store anyway to be there for the installation of a new front window and to tell the Tuesday group that there wouldn’t really be a Tuesday group for a while.

Unsurprisingly, Peggy was the first to show up to where Darcy had set up a chair outside, brought from home, keeping out of the way of the workmen. She’d gone inside briefly to find the entire store gutted. Bare floorboards, stripped walls, wires hanging from the ceiling. Apparently the plumbing would be sorted the next day and the locks changed. She wasn’t sure why, but she wasn’t going to argue.

“I thought it was your place on the news,” Peggy said conversationally, eyeing the empty shell of the store. “What are you going to do now?”

“Rebuild,” Darcy said firmly. “Restart it.”

“Yes, but in the meantime. What are you going to do?”

She hesitated.

“That’s what I thought,” Peggy said. “So, my girl, we need to have an interim. Have you looked around for alternative temporary venues?”

“Well… no, but it only burned on Wednesday…”

“And that’s nearly a week. I recommend calling around local community centers. One of them might have a hall available. Get a donation system going. Got to have money to rebuild.”

“That’s… actually a really good idea, thank you.”

“You’re welcome.”

And with that she bustled off. She was often abrupt. Said what she thought. But she was never rude, and Darcy appreciated that. She often wondered if Peggy had a better idea of what was going on in her life than she realized.

She took her advice and managed to get a room booked for Thursdays in a small church only a few streets from the store. Shorter hours and she wasn’t allowed to sell anything or charge entry, but donations were allowed.

Darcy drove down to the store to attach a notice to her newly-glazed door and figured she ought to text Loki so he could come by and start getting back to normal too.

He responded almost instantly to say that he’d definitely be there. And then he sent another message that said ‘When Jane/Thor call, pls tell them it’s fine’.

Darcy was instantly suspicious. _What’s fine? And why do I have to make generic responses to questions I don’t know about?_

Her phone rang on her way home and she called Jane back as soon as she was parked.

“Hey, Darcy?” she heard at the other end of the line.

“Hi. Sorry, I was driving.”

“Can I just say thank you to start off with? I thought it would be really, really awkward for you, but it’s so good of you to do this. Not that I wanted… anyway. You’re sure it’s fine?”

Fear gripped her stomach but her mouth still moved. “Sure. It’s totally fine.”

Jane sighed in relief. “Thank you so much. You have no idea. Just… thanks, OK.”

“No problem. See you later.”

She climbed the stairs to her apartment but frowned at the sight of Loki sitting on a folded camp-bed outside her door.

“Surprise?” he tried.

“So what, exactly, have I just told Jane is ‘totally fine’?”

“Nothing important. Roomie.”

Her eyes widened. “What?”

“Oh. Sorry. I thought the bed was a clue. I may have told Thor and Jane that you said I could sleep on your living room floor instead of theirs until I have a permanent roof over my head again.”

Darcy groaned and reached over his head to open the door.

“So,” she began as he dragged the camp-bed inside. “What did you do that made Jane want to get rid of you?”

“Me? Nothing. And frankly I’m insulted that you would assume I was to blame.”

She laughed once, no humor. “Alright, what did Jane do that made you want to get out?”

Loki flopped down onto her couch. “There are three main reasons for which I wanted to come live with you,” he said.

“Uh huh?” Darcy took his place on the folded bed, the aging springs creaking slightly under her weight.

“Right. Number one: you will let me leave whenever I want. Over there was like having a permanent curfew. I haven’t been outside all weekend.”

“Me neither.”

“I thought you went to your mom’s place?”

“Er. No. I was here. I just didn’t want to be bothered so I… lied.”

“Whatever. Point is that you’ll actually let me have a life and not act like you’re my keeper if I stay out a little later than expected. Reason two: I will not be in danger of being surprised by my adoptive brother’s naked form.”

“Ah…”

“‘Ah’ is right. He forgot I was there, wandered out in the middle of the night, the sound woke me up and… well, I didn’t alert him to my presence but I can’t deal with that kind of stimulation, Darce, I just can’t. I’m meant to be dealing more constructively with those thoughts, not getting updated jerk-off material. Which brings us to Reason number three…”

“Do I want to know?”

“Possibly not, but it’s important that you understand the pressures I was facing.”

“Go on, then.”

“Reason number three: you have no idea how often they fuck. No idea. Seriously, they are at it all the damn time. I’m amazed they don’t collapse from exhaustion. And I don’t know if it’s just the honeymoon period still, or if they were always like this but… I can hear them through the walls and really, and I know this is hard to believe, but I really don’t want to hear that. It’s not even erotic, they’re all giggles and slow. It’s sickening. So… I told Jane that I was going to move in with you.”

Suspicion rose up Darcy’s spine.

“Did she send you?” she asked. “Did Jane tell you to come here, to keep an eye on me?”

“What? No. Why would she do that? You’re a grown up, you’ve lived by yourself for a long time.”

“Hmm.”

“Please. It’s just until I can move back above the store.”

She wavered but eventually relented. “Alright. Help me move the couch.”

He grinned. “You’ll barely notice I’m here.”


	3. Chapter 3

To be fair to Loki, it was a few days before her life was really affected by living with him. Apart from coming to the new Thursday knit class, he mostly stayed out of her way. She assumed he was finding something to do with his time.

She didn’t even particularly mind when she got up early on Friday morning and found Tony in her kitchen. She knew Tony. Hell, she’d almost slept with Tony. It was more the fact that Loki had left Tony sleeping on the couch and vanished.

“Your roommate is getting me breakfast,” Tony teased when she walked in. “Yours too, I think.”

He seemed very comfortable, sitting in his underwear in her kitchen while she shuffled around in her dressing gown.

“Does… this happen to you often?” she asked, reaching for small talk. “Like, do you often end up in strange kitchens?”

“This is your kitchen, it’s hardly strange. But, no. I only really wake up places where either I’m living or Loki is.”

“Oh, so he’s your… He’s your only…”

“Fuck buddy? Yeah. I mean, I could have others, but… I don’t really have the time. And this works for me. Satisfying, minimum effort outside of bed. It works for me.”

She made what she hoped was a generic interested noise. “So, how did you two meet?”

He seemed to think about this for a moment. “Must’ve been the morning after the night he broke into my apartment.”

Darcy’s mouth dropped open. She was remembering things Loki had half-mentioned before, petty crime and small-time theft. He’d never said anything about housebreaking.

“Oh, uh, he didn’t mean to,” Tony said in response to her expression. “Honest mistake.”

“How can breaking and entering be an honest mistake?”

“He was new to the building. He’d moved in that day, and he got in from… I don’t know, some bar or something, miscounted the floors, couldn’t understand why his key didn’t work and so he very carefully broke in, figuring that he could get the locks changed the next day and he went and got into bed. My bed. That I was asleep in.”

“And you slept through all that?”

“It was a Saturday night, I was young and stupid, it was a miracle I’d made it home and into bed before I passed out. Anyway, woke up the next morning, figured I must have brought some hot goth guy home, tried nudging him to throw him out, he wakes up and panics because he definitely didn’t take anyone home so why is there a guy in his bed, wait, this isn’t even his bed and… well, long story short, I was pissed about needing to change my locks and he… uh…”

“What?”

“He, jokingly, said that he was sorry and would I accept an apology blow job? And I, jokingly, said yes. And so, a mild game of gay chicken later, that was that. We were neighbors-slash-fuck buddies. And sometimes boyfriends but… I don’t know. It didn’t work out that way. And it was kinda complicated at times but you probably don’t want to hear about that.”

“I probably shouldn’t want to hear about it, but if you have outrageous Loki stories then I’m all ears. I’m living with him now, I need better blackmail material.”

“Outrageous, huh? Give me a second to think of a good one.”

“You have until I’ve made coffee.”

She made one for him too, and looked expectantly at him after the first sip.

“Alright. So Lokes and I have known each other for around eight years now and have been on and off sleeping together all that time. We had time apart when he moved or when I met other people I wanted to be exclusive with…”

“Did he punish you for that? Like he punished me?”

“Yeah. And it sucked and I would just not talk to him and then he’d taunt me about crawling back when I inevitably showed up at his door again after break ups. But hey, he spent a lot of time being an asshole and so did I, but I think I got over that a little sooner than he did. The past year or so when he’s been actively trying to get his shit together have been really nice. Anyway, so imagine that it’s about three years after we first met, we’ve previously tried dating but that didn’t work so we’re very casual, I know he has other people, it’s cool and then one day he texts and summons me to his place and a naked stranger opens the door.”

“You’re kidding.”

“Nope. I do not know this guy, he’s a blond with a dumb mustache that kinda uncomfortably reminds me of my dad and he doesn’t say anything, he just takes me by the hand and leads me through to the bedroom, and there’s Loki, naked as well, all ‘Tony, help me, he’s just not giving me what I need, come over here and show him for me’ and I have no fucking idea what’s going on, but… yeah, that’s how I ended up having a threesome sprung on me.”

“Jesus!”

“I mean, I didn’t have to touch the other guy, he mostly just watched and then Loki took care of him. But yeah. That’s the story of when Loki tricked a guy who wasn’t getting him off into letting me come round and fuck him properly under the pretence of kinkiness. The man has no shame. None whatsoever.”

As if it was his cue, Loki’s keys rattled in the lock. Darcy had given him the spare set, complete with a pink fluffy keychain that he was forbidden to remove. He eyed them carefully, placing a paper bag from the local convenience store on the table.

“I knew I shouldn’t have left you two alone,” he said. “You’ll only start conspiring.”

“Tony was just telling me about how you met,” Darcy said.

“Oh, the time he totally solicited me for sexual favors after a genuine mistake?”

“How dare you?” Tony said, mock-offended. “You offered!”

“Yeah, well. You were hot. Back then.”

They continued to needle each other playfully until Tony announced that he had to leave.


	4. Chapter 4

“Hey, Loki?” Darcy said, washing dishes. “Just so you know, if you ever need me to be out of the apartment, I can totally be out of the apartment.”

“Why would I need you to be out?”

“For… alone time. With Tony or with whoever.”

“God, I’m sorry, did we disturb you? I told him to keep it down.”

“No, I didn’t even know he was here until I came looking for coffee this morning. But I’m serious, if you ever want… space? Then let me know.”

Loki dried the dishes and put them away.

“I promise I’ll never bring strangers home,” he said quietly. “You don’t have to worry about that.”

“It’s not about… it’s not about me worrying about who you sleep with, it’s about affording you some privacy. And it would make me more comfortable to be… you know, aware of when you’re bringing someone back. Make sure I don’t wander out in my underwear or anything.”

His eyes flicked down her pajama-clad form for a second.

“Were you planning to?” he asked.

“Not expressly, but you never know. I might forget, like Thor did.”

“Please, don’t remind me of that. I’ve been trying to get that image out of my head for days.”

“Trying, or… dwelling?”

He sighed. “Let’s just say that even if Thor’s technique were to leave something to be desired, Jane is a lucky woman…”

“Gross.”

“You asked. But for the record, you don’t have to bother telling me if you’re bringing Steve round. I don’t mind.”

Ah, yes, that. She hadn’t actually mentioned to Steve that Loki was living with her yet. To be fair, she hadn’t actually spoken to him in person yet.

“I’m seeing him tonight,” she said. “After mini-knit class. So I might not be home tonight. Don’t wait up.”

“Have fun.”

She walked to Bucky’s, the cool air pleasant against her face and giving her an excuse to bundle up.

“You seem better,” he said once she was inside.

“I feel better. I took your advice. Took some time for myself. I think I’m going to get there. I mean, the panic still sparks through me from time to time, but I’ve come to terms with it. Got to move forward.”

“Good. And your support network? Sorry, it’s a term I’ve had to get used to.”

“Well, uh… I’m kind of being supporter and supportee at the moment. Loki’s moved in.”

Bucky’s eyebrows flew up.

“I thought you said he was staying with his brother?”

“Yeah, he was but… he’s more comfortable staying with me.”

“And what does Steve think about you living with another man?”

“I haven’t told him yet. I wanted the chance to tell him in person, you know? Tonight. Besides, it’s not like… like that, he’s just sleeping in my living room until he can move back into the apartment above the store. He’s homeless, I’m not going to throw him out.”

“No, quite right. It’s just what with your history, it’s weird, right?”

Her blood ran cold. Bucky didn’t know about their history. He couldn’t know.

“What history?” she asked, breathlessly.

He’d been looking at his knitting, three and a half stripes deep now, but looked back up in surprise at her tone.

“I just meant that you were his boss. That’s all. Why, is there more than that?”

She slumped slightly in relief. “No, not at all. We never really had the usual boss/employee relationship though.”

He narrowed his eyes. “No, wait, there’s more here isn’t there?”

“No.”

She tried to hold his gaze but couldn’t.

“OK, Darcy. It’s none of my business. But we agreed nothing went out of these walls so if you want to tell me I won’t breathe a word, or if you don’t want to tell me, I’ll come to my own conclusions. Either way, I know you’re lying.”

She glanced up at him, his expression hard to read, somewhere between interrogative and accepting.

“Loki and I used to… We weren’t dating. We slept together as a matter of convenience. And it ended when I started seeing Steve. And I haven’t mentioned it to Steve because that’s a weird thing to mention at the start of a relationship. Like, talk of the ex shouldn’t be showing up yet, I don’t think, especially when we weren’t really a couple and when he’s still a big part of my life. The sex was secondary to our working relationship, really.”

Bucky nodded carefully. “OK. And he – Loki’s fine with you dating Steve? He isn’t going to be jealous or anything?”

“We moved past that. He’s very accepting of it. Besides I wasn’t…” she bit her tongue.

“What?”

“No, I was going to say something that isn’t mine to say.”

“Then don’t. If you think you can deal with your employee that you used to fuck sleeping on your living room floor while you have a romantic relationship with someone else then that’s up to you. Just go careful?”

Darcy bristled a little at that. “I’m being careful. That’s why I wanted to tell Steve in person, so he doesn’t get the wrong idea. I mean, obviously, I’m going to skip the whole me-and-Loki-being-former-sexual-partners bit, but otherwise I’m coming totally clean.”

“Alright. Call me and tell me how that goes?”

“It’ll be tomorrow, I’m staying at Steve’s.”

“And you and him, you haven’t…”

“Slept together? No, not yet. I like to know someone for a long time before I do that. That’s how I feel most comfortable. It’s not a morality thing or anything, it’s just what I like.”

“Don’t worry. He’ll respect that.”

“Oh, I know. It’s just… you know. Sometimes I wish I wasn’t like this, I wish I could just let go from time to time, but I get to that point and then I just panic and back off so now I wait until I’m absolutely sure.”

“Even with Loki?”

“How do you mean?”

“You weren’t in love with him or anything?”

“No. God, no. We’re friends, that’s all.”

“So your emotional connection that you need for sex can be a friend thing as well?”

“Apparently so.”

She wasn’t actually too comfortable discussing this side of her daily reality and Bucky seemed to sense that, backing off. They knitted in slightly uncomfortable silence for a while.

“What about you?” Darcy asked, trying to bounce the attention from herself. “Anyone special in your life?”

“No. I’m not really interested right now, you know? I want to get back to liking myself before I try to like anyone else. It’s probably a guilt thing, but it’s hung around me for a while, from before the incident. I mean, I’ve had girlfriends but I never really felt invested in relationships and that’s not fair so I want to try to figure out where I am before I try to travel down the road of life with anyone else.”

Darcy felt sad for him for a moment. And then she considered things and figured that he was probably taking a sensible approach.

“What would you do if someone you really liked came along though?” she asked.

He paused his knitting. “I don’t know. I guess I’d have to reevaluate.”


	5. Chapter 5

Night was the worst time. Darcy got through the days alright, but it was like there was a switch in the back of her mind that flipped as soon as she tried to sleep and suddenly all the worries that had been held at bay came flooding back.

She’d had a nice day, full of laughter and thought and a cozy evening in with Steve but as soon as she was curled up in his bed she found herself completely unable to sleep, thinking about things that she couldn’t possibly do anything about at this time of night.

Suddenly she was aware that Steve was also awake and looking at her curiously as she stared at the ceiling. She turned to face him.

“You’re not asleep,” he said simply.

“No.”

“Can I do anything to help? Get you food or a hot water bottle or something?”

“You could… hold me?”

She rolled over and he slid across to wrap one arm around her torso and cradled her head with his other hand.

“I don’t actually own a hot water bottle,” he murmured against her hair, setting her into a quiet giggle.

It was easier to sleep with Steve’s warmth grounding her and his breathing in time with hers. She felt safe. He was like the human equivalent of a comfort blanket, keeping her safe from the monsters that roamed in her thoughts.

When she woke up, it was to the sure knowledge that she’d meant to tell him something last night and hadn’t had the chance.

Loki. That’s what she had to tell him.

He stirred behind her, having rolled away during the night, and she turned to watch the transition from sound asleep to groggy consciousness.

“There’s something I need to tell you,” she said gently.

“Yeah?”

“Loki’s living with me temporarily until he can move back in above the Yarn Barn. Or whatever we decide to rename it. If we rename it. He’s on a camp-bed on my living room floor.”

Steve yawned. “OK. Cool.”

Darcy blinked at him. “Alright then.”

“Mmm.”

He wrapped an arm around her and nuzzled her shoulder. That had been easier than she had expected. And then she realized that to someone from the outside who didn’t know Loki very well, it was no big deal. He was temporarily homeless. She was his friend. She’d previously been and would soon again basically be his landlord. It made sense for him to stay with her. Nothing worrying about that.

She leant her head across to lie against his.

“Do you feel better this morning?” he asked.

“A bit. The daylight makes it better. I have more hope during the day,” she rolled to lie carefully on top of him. “And I feel better having you here.”

They kissed a little before Darcy rested her head on his bare chest and lay in his arms for a while, her head rising and falling gently as he breathed.

“I can hear your heartbeat,” she whispered. “It’s nice. Steady.”

Steve didn’t say anything, just ran his hands over the outside of the t-shirt she’d slept in. After a moment’s thought, Darcy pushed herself onto her knees and pulled it off before returning to her previous place, skin to skin now. Steve paused for a second before continuing where he’d left off, fingers trailing over her flesh carefully. Like she was delicate.

Everything was soft and warm and comfortable and Darcy found sleep beckoning her, her eyelids drooping, wanting to catch up on too many lost hours from the last week. She succumbed and let herself drift off. She didn’t know how long for, but she jerked awake later, mortified to find herself drooling on Steve’s skin.

“God, I’m sorry,” she said, flushing and wiping her mouth.

“Don’t worry about it. It’s intimate, shows me that you’re at ease with me. And you’re pretty when you sleep.”

“That was slightly creepy.”

“Sorry. Would you like breakfast? Or… actually it might be more like lunch now.”

“Really? What time is it?”

“He scrabbled for his phone to check. “It’s quarter to twelve.”

“Shit! I’m meant to talk to a guy about flooring today.”

“Yeah? Already?”

“It’s just the first quote. I need some of the upstairs floorboards replaced, not too many, and then I want new lino down. I’ve shopped around, apparently this guy’s good.”

“Have you spoken to Thor? I remember him having a friend in construction or something? Might do you a deal.”

“Well, the whole family is in property so… Yeah, that would be Volstagg. He’s a plasterer. He’s going to be repairing my walls and ceilings. But no friend rates, I insisted. This all counts as structure so the insurance covers it so it’s not like it’s even really my money. I’ll pay everyone who does something a fair price.”

“Even if they want to help.”

It wasn’t a question. “I don’t want charity or anything. Something bad happened, my business suffered, I don’t want anyone else’s livelihood to be affected detrimentally be it.”

She was throwing on her clothes now.

“It’s like you and your freelancing,” she said, buttoning her shirt. “I think it’s important that people are paid fairly for their work, that’s all.”

“You’re right,” he said. “Kiss me before you go?”

She leant over him to press their lips together before heading for the door, glancing back just long enough to see Steve sliding back under the covers.

The floor guy was waiting outside when she arrived, all apologies. As a result, he seemed to deliberately take as long as he could to walk around, humming and tutting at the damage as if it were somehow Darcy’s fault. Eventually he gave her a quote for the work. She’d have turned him down if he hadn’t said his apprentice would carry out the actual job. He had no desire to see him again, but someone else would be fine.

She looked around the store, still so bare, and tried to be optimistic. The blackened walls actually looked pretty cool, in an artfully destroyed way. And she could completely reorganize and redecorate.

The longer route home took her past a few thrift stores and she looked at the aging furniture in the windows. Cheaper than new, not quite as cheap as flat-pack maybe, but with more character. She could easily get some eccentric pieces; give the store a real quirky aesthetic.

Maybe they ought to rename the store. She’d never really liked ‘Yarn Barn’. They weren’t a barn, they were in the middle of a pretty big block. Just because it rhymed didn’t make it clever.

‘Phoenix Yarns’ sprang to mind pretty quickly. Rising from the ashes, that kind of thing. She dismissed it after a while. It seemed a little clichéd, too obvious. She considered ‘Icarus’ for a while too, but decided it was a little pessimistic.

She was still thinking it over when she opened the door to her apartment to find Steve hanging out on the couch with Loki and Clint.


	6. Chapter 6

“Oh,” Darcy said, the door standing open behind her.

“Sorry,” Steve said, pulling a jokingly apologetic face. “I know I should have called first but I figured you’d be done pretty quickly and I thought I could take you for coffee and dinner so I just dropped by…”

“No, no, that wasn’t a bad ‘oh’, it was just a surprised ‘oh’. And yeah, that sounds good, just let me shower and change first.”

“Don’t rush, we’re quite comfortable,” Loki said.

She tried to resist the urge to text him from the bathroom but failed.

‘Sorry. Didn’t know he was coming. Hope he didn’t interrupt anything.’

The reply text was waiting for her when she’d finished washing her hair, wiping the condensation off the screen with her towel.

‘No. We were waiting for Nat anyway.’

Sure enough, when Darcy had finished dressing, Natasha had already arrived and was trying to work out the tangle of wires that was Darcy’s DVD setup. Steve still seemed blissfully at ease. It was entirely normal for friends to have movie nights together. Everything was fine.

Darcy was just pleased that everyone was fully clothed.

She tried not to seem like she was rushing him out but she kind of rushed him out.

“Your friends are nice,” he said as they walked out of the building.

“Clint and Nat? Yeah, they’re great.”

“We could have stayed if you’d wanted to…”

“No. This is a regular thing for the three of them for ages. Once a month they hang out together, have dinner, watch movies.”

“Like a date night?” Steve smiled and Darcy awkwardly agreed.

_God, you do not know the half of it._

“It’s her I feel sorry for though,” he continued as they walked on autopilot to the nearest coffee shop. “The red-head.”

“Natasha? Why?”

“It’s pretty obvious, isn’t it? Clint likes Loki. They were trying to be subtle but I know flirting when I see it. And I think she knows.”

Darcy hesitated.

“Did you think there was something going on there?” she tried.

“I don’t think so. Clint’s eyes lit up when she arrived, he’s pretty obviously crazy about her. I think it’s just harmless flirting but I feel like if I were her I wouldn’t want my boyfriend flirting with… uh…”

“What?”

“I wouldn’t want him flirting with an attractive gay man. Even if he’s unavailable.”

“Unavailable?”

“Yeah, he mentioned a Tony. In a significant way.”

_Oh my God, you think Loki’s gay. Because he mentioned a male partner. The idea that he’s bi and polyamorous hasn’t even entered your handsome blond head. No wonder you’re cool with us living together. You don’t see a threat even on a purely hypothetical level._

“Oh, yeah,” she said. “Tony. Yeah, totally. They’ve been together for years.”

He asked her about how the morning’s meeting with the floor guy had gone, listened intently to her talk of redecoration and how she wanted to rename the place but was drawing a blank.

“I think you were too quick to dismiss the Phoenix idea,” he said, sitting down and adding sugar to his coffee. “Do you know ‘The Phoenix and the Turtle’?”

“Is that like ‘The Tortoise and the Hare’?”

“No. It’s a poem by Shakespeare. It’s not really well known, I only know about it because for some reason I studied it in high school. It’s a love story, kind of. Either it’s literally about dead birds or it’s an allegory for spiritual friendship or something.”

“A love story between a phoenix and a turtle?”

He smiled. “Not quite, it’s a turtledove. You know, like in that Christmas song? They mate for life and all that. I think it’s meant to be about faithfulness and resilience. It kinda fits, you know? You’re resilient in the face of what’s happened and you’re going to rise again and the rest of us are the turtledove, having faith in you.”

“You think I’m a phoenix?”

“Rising beautifully from the ashes with resplendent plumage.”

She leant across the table and kissed him for that.

“Can we not go out for dinner?” she asked. “I’d much rather go back to your place and get take out.”

“Sure. You want to stay over? I can dig out that poem for you, let you read it. It might inspire you.”

Darcy considered trying to get to her bed through a room with a sleeping Loki/Clint/Natasha obstacle course.

“I would absolutely love to stay over.”

They ordered Chinese food and Steve dug around in a box from one of his closets until he triumphantly held up a battered folder full of even more battered papers and produced a badly photocopied, type-written copy with ‘Phoenix + Turtle’ scrawled at the top in pencil and patterned with annotations.

Darcy read it as she munched on her duck in plum sauce.

“I… I think I understand it. It’s a funeral. Like, the phoenix and the turtledove are dead and the other birds are like ‘Yeah, the eagle can come to the funeral and the crow can come but the mean birds can’t come’ and then they’re talking about how the phoenix and the turtledove loved each other so much that they were basically the same person? Or bird? Whatever. And then there’s this… ‘Threnos’ bit, not sure what that means, can’t quite read what you wrote here either…”

“Yeah, ‘Threnos’, it’s like… it’s Greek, it’s a mourning poem.”

“Oh, OK, so it’s like, they’re dead and we’re sad and this is why.”

“Pretty much, yeah,” Steve said, scraping the last of his rice out. “What do you think?”

“It’s sad. I know that seems obvious, but… I don’t know, it’s just so sad. These two birds loved each other so much and they were so much a part of one another and now they’re dead. It’s sad.”

Steve hummed slightly. “I get that interpretation. But it’s also a celebration of their lives. Everyone loves them. And it’s a reminder, you know? To appreciate what you have and to be strong In the face of adversity.”

Darcy considered this. It reminded her uncomfortably of a funeral she went to as a teenager. The view in the room was that funerals were a place for mourning but that they should also be appreciative for the life of the person who had passed. She’d been utterly desolate, unable to feel anything but crushing sadness, and such a demand for her to check her emotions, no matter how well-intentioned, had made her bristle. Subsequently she’d seen the other point of view but she still felt that knee-jerk reaction.

“What about this bit?” she asked, leaving those feelings to one side. “‘Leaving no posterity:-- 'Twas not their infirmity, It was married chastity.’ What does that mean?”

Steve looked the stanza over.

“I guess it means that they didn’t have kids. But that there was nothing wrong with them, they just didn’t have sex often. I... I don’t really hold with the whole ‘sexless love is purer’ thing because I think sex is a great thing that people can do together, but I do think that whatever people get up to is their own business, so I don’t think a relationship is lesser if it doesn’t have sex in it either. Anyway, I guess it’s like ‘Yeah, their relationship might not have fulfilled what society said it ought to – children – but it was perfect for them.’ It’s pretty non-judgmental, really, if you look at it right.”

Darcy quickly read through the poem again, thinking about unusual relationships. Unusual life choices, strange loves, weird passions. Celebrating love in many forms. Accepting loss, accepting sadness, and carrying on.

“I like it,” she said finally. “It’s quirky. And it makes me sound smart when people inevitably ask. ‘Phoenix and Turtle Yarns’. Yeah. I think I could live with that.”


	7. Chapter 7

She wrote out her own copy of the poem before they went to bed. Steve protested that it would be easy enough to find online, but Darcy insisted. It felt better to write it out, especially since Steve let her use one of his fancy art pens. As long as she was careful.

Her neatest handwriting didn’t get much airing these days but she did the best she could, all loops and curves and carefully crossed ‘t’s.

Steve lent her a t-shirt to sleep in as usual and she curled gently against him, enjoying the feeling of warmth from his flesh that was quickly becoming familiar.

The Phoenix and the Turtledove kept returning to her thoughts. She found herself wondering how they even got together in the first place, they were so different. Different species. And they’d been so in love that they were the same person and they lived and died together.

It didn’t seem very realistic.

Maybe some people had that. Maybe that could develop. Or maybe you could get close and get comfortable and that would be enough. Or maybe it didn’t matter as long as you were happy.

Darcy could feel the fear that came to her at night creeping through her stomach and wanted to chase it away. Firmly.

She looked at Steve sleeping lightly before shuffling closer and wrapping both arms around his neck, waking him from his dozing.

“Steve?” she whispered.

“Yeah?”

“Can I ask you for something?”

“Sure.”

She leant forward and pressed their lips together. Steve mumbled slightly but kissed back lazily. Darcy rolled him onto his back so she could straddle him.

“Will you have sex with me tonight?” she felt horribly awkward asking, but she wanted this.

_I’m a grown up, he’s a grown up, I can say ‘sex’ in front of him. I am allowed to ask for this._

Steve’s eyes flashed open.

“Are you sure?” he asked. “Are you certain you’re comfortable?”

“Yeah. I mean... We see a lot of each other and... not that this is the reason, not entirely, but I’d really like some... physical comfort tonight.”

She hoped that wouldn’t offend him. If the way he pulled her down to kiss her more enthusiastically was anything to judge, he wasn’t offended at all.

“I would love to comfort you,” he said when they broke apart. “Anything you want.”

Darcy’s breath was coming faster. She hadn’t planned this, but she wanted, God, how she wanted. She just wasn’t quite sure what she wanted first.

“Shirt off,” she said, figuring she had to start somewhere. “Take everything off.”

She flopped back onto her side of the bed, watching as Steve stripped. She realized a second before he took his underwear off that she’d never seen his cock before. He didn’t seem to notice her looking though, briefly turning away to get a condom out of his nightstand and putting it within reach on his own pillow.

Darcy let him pull her borrowed shirt off and writhed slightly under the roaming of his hands over her flesh, moving with far more purpose than they ever had before. She panted through her nose, Steve’s kisses cutting off her moans as he thumbed her nipples and she felt his cock, fully hard now, against her thigh.

Steve didn’t seem to know where he wanted to touch her most. His fingers traced her breasts, tangled in her hair, ran teasingly up her legs. He kissed her all the while, deep and passionate, meeting her tongue with his and worrying her lower lip just slightly.

Eventually Darcy could wait no longer and tightened her thighs around Steve’s hips. He took the hint and sat up to deal with the condom and to finally remove Darcy’s underwear. He was almost reverent, gently sliding them down her legs and running his hands back up her entire body, making her shiver in expectation.

“You’re sure?” he asked her, one last time.

“I’m sure,” she confirmed.

She gasped when Steve slid into her. Her chest heaved and she heard Steve moaning gently. He stayed still within her, letting her lean up into the kiss this time. Darcy rolled her hips, smiling as he made a surprised noise against her mouth. It was only then that he began to move, firm and steady thrusts, holding himself up on one arm with his other hand continuing to map over her skin.

Darcy found herself looking into Steve’s eyes during it. This was not an unknown experience for her, but it was unusual. She was fascinated by the way his pupils were blown open, so dark, until a particularly strong movement had her arching her back and crying out.

“Good?” Steve asked breathlessly.

“More...” she managed.

Steve sat back on his knees and wrapped both arms around Darcy, pulling her up to straddle him and giving her more control over their movements. She had leverage now and began to move faster, enjoying the power she had to make Steve gasp and grip her tighter. He ran kisses over her neck and collarbone, everywhere she could reach. With him supporting her she was also able to reach down to her clit and work herself in tandem to their movement. Steve tilted her face gently with one hand and kissed her mouth again.

She felt so close, so enclosed by Steve, like she was surrounded by him. She felt his motion falter and moved her hand furiously, trying to beat him to climax. As it was, they hit their peak within seconds of each other, swallowing each other’s cries greedily and riding out the aftershocks together.

Even as she felt Steve’s cock soften within her, she was loath to let him go. She wanted to stay exactly where she was, held so safely, and clung to Steve when he tried to lay her back down.

“I’ll be right back,” he said gently, pulling the blankets up to protect her from the surprisingly cool air of the room.

She entwined her limbs with his when he came back from the bathroom and nuzzled into his shoulder. Steve was saying something to her and she sleepily ran her fingers across his lips to quiet him. He laughed softly at that and kissed her hand.

Darcy woke up still feeling the sweet warmth of intimacy and lazed around naked in Steve’s bed all morning, accepting kisses and caresses as they both drifted in and out of sleep.


	8. Chapter 8

She made it home in the mid-afternoon and found that Clint and Natasha had already left. She had been wondering if she could catch them, but then again it wouldn’t be too long before they’d be back. Loki was lying on the couch, reading a novel she’d been given a few birthdays ago and hadn’t got around to reading. He looked up when she came in and grinned wolfishly.

“How was the sex?” he asked.

“Jesus, Loki, let me get in the door!”

“So it did happen.”

Darcy open and closed her mouth. “I neither confirm nor deny.”

Loki laughed and got up, stalking across the room.

“Exhibit A:” he began. “Freshly washed hair. I know you and you wouldn’t have bothered rewashing after you’d already done it last night unless something had happened in the meantime. Exhibit B: the sleepy eyes of the well-sated.”

“Oh, come on...”

“Both of which are secondary to exhibit C: the hickey on your neck.”

Darcy half-ran to the bathroom and swept her hair out of the way. Steve’s mirror had been too steamed up for her to see as she brushed her teeth, but sure enough there was a faint trace of teeth marks on the side of her neck. And she hadn’t bothered putting on make-up so she hadn’t seen.

“I didn’t even notice him do that,” she said.

“That good, huh?”

“Shut up.”

“Oh, come on. I’ll tell you my evening if you tell me yours.”

“But I don’t want to know what you Clint and Nat got up to last night.”

“OK, then I’ll tell you mine if you don’t tell me yours.”

He’d followed her to the kitchen by now as she threw a sandwich together for lunch.

“Stop it,” she said without any real force. He was just playing.

“So we started with Clint on his knees with me behind him, eating Nat out while she sat on the couch...”

Darcy spluttered. “It was good, OK? It was really good sex. I felt very safe and very loved and we both orgasmed and it was good.”

“Did he do that tongue thing you like?”

“On the basis that I don’t know what you’re talking about, I’m going to go with ‘no’. But that doesn’t matter. I was very satisfied.”

“Good. I was going to buy you a vibrator if you’d gone without for much longer. I thought the endorphins would be good for you.”

She paused, mid-butter spread. “You’re kidding.”

“Nope. I’m planning a restock and I thought I might get you a little something to thank you for letting me stay.”

“Well... I...”

“Think about it. Could be an investment.”

An investment. Only Loki would think of sex toys as an investment against lonely nights. Admittedly a lot of people probably owned them for similar reasons but they wouldn’t word it quite like that.

“The endorphins could be good for me? What did you mean by that?”

He shrugged. “You think I don’t notice emotions, but I notice. You’re under a lot of stress. And I would have tried to do something about that, if we were still... but we’re not so I thought I could get you some non-cheating help.”

“I don’t need help. And if I wanted more endorphins I’d go to the gym or something. Exercise my demons.”

“Oh, just masturbate. It’s easier.”

“Exercise, not exorcise, do you see?” Her brain caught up with what he was saying. “I do masturbate. Not that it’s any of your business, but I do…”

“Good. It’s healthy.”

“I know. And you’re sounding distressingly like a self-help book.”

“Sorry. I’m in an eloquent mood. I got a new job after an interview type thing last week. Wearing a tie and talking to a suit on the phone hasn’t quite worn off yet.”

Darcy stopped what she was doing very suddenly. A new job? Loki wasn’t meant to get a new job. He was meant to wait and come back and work for her again. He wasn’t supposed to move on. What would that make him, her tenant?

She smiled encouragingly.

“That’s great,” she said. “Well done. The store won’t be the same without you.”

Loki frowned. “I’m not leaving the store. I just need to be able to buy food, and obviously you can’t pay me right now, so I’m going to extremely temporarily work for Tony’s dad. Just to tide me over the next few months, then I’m quitting and moving right back to where I was. I only didn’t tell you in case I didn’t get it.”

He laughed when she sagged in relief.

“Jesus, Darce, you didn’t think I’d tell you I’m leaving over a bologna sandwich and segue in from sex toys, did you?”

“Frankly I wouldn’t put anything past you these days. And where did you get a tie from, anyway?”

“Thor. Duh. So proud of little brother being responsible. I think he thought I was mooching off you. Do feel free to set him straight one of these days.”

They drank a little too much celebratory wine at dinner.

Darcy slept soundly but woke up with a start.

The first thing to spring to mind was that she’d produced her carefully rolled up copy of ‘The Phoenix and the Turtle’ and told Loki that she was probably going to rename the store after it. He’d been offended that if she was the phoenix then clearly he was the turtle, and no amount of her yelling ‘IT’S A TURTLEDOVE, IT’S ADORABLE’ would convince him that she wasn’t calling him a slow elderly reptile.

She distantly remembered cooing at him and winced.

And she could vaguely recall the two of them browsing sex toys online and brainstorming different anatomical requirements. She couldn’t recall if they’d actually bought anything though.

And that yelling from the living room was not helping with the edge of hangover starting to creep into her skull.

_Wait, yelling?_


	9. Chapter 9

“I can’t believe you would do this to me!”

Darcy recognized Tony’s voice and pulled on the pajama pants that she hadn’t quite made it into last night.

“I don’t care if I wake her!” Tony again.

And he definitely hadn’t been here last night. Not when she’d been awake. And sure, Loki might have called him after she’d gone to bed but…

She cracked her bedroom door open and peered out. Loki was slumped on the couch in his underwear and Tony was fully dressed. And angry. His expression softened slightly when he saw her though.

“Hi, Darcy, sorry, I’m just… I’m just…”

“Irrational?” Loki mumbled.

Tony’s attention was brought back to him.

“Don’t you even… Don’t start with me, Loki. Admit you made a dick move. Now.”

“No. Not gonna. Get out.”

Loki didn’t have any heat in his voice. He just seemed sleepy and resigned. And Darcy had no idea what was going on. And she’d been seen, it’s not like she could just hide back in her room now.

“What’s going on?” she asked.

Loki groaned petulantly. “Tony, darling that he is, is annoyed with me because of my decision to find employment and attempt to keep myself in the style to which I have become accustomed.”

“I have no problem with you getting a job, I do have a problem with you getting a job with my father,” Tony protested.

“I’ll work for whoever I please.”

“Not him. Please, just…” he waved his hands vaguely. “I don’t like the idea of you coming into contact with him.”

“You’re ashamed of me.”

“No. It’s him, not you.”

“Then why am I the one being yelled at? Why am I the one being told I can’t work for whoever? Why didn’t you just tell him not to employ me?”

“Because he won’t listen. But don’t you see? He’s going to use this to control me. If I don’t do what he wants, he’ll just fire you.”

“Let him.”

“No. He thinks he can do this, he thinks he can use people and it’s not fair.”

Darcy had absolutely no idea what was going on. She’d never heard talk of Tony’s father before. She didn’t know what he did even.

“It’s temporary,” Loki was saying, softly now, trying a more charming approach. “It’s only until Darcy can take me back. It’s not like I’ll be there forever under the Stark whip.”

“Wait,” Darcy said. “Like, STARK Stark? But they’re huge!”

“Didn’t you know?” Loki asked, faux- innocently. “You’re looking at their heir apparent.”

“Shut up,” Tony said.

Loki sighed. “I’m taking the job, you can’t stop me. I’m sorry you’re upset but I’m not sorry that I’m taking money from your father. Now do you want to ask Darcy to go put headphones in and have sex with me or are you in fact leaving? Because last I checked you weren’t my boyfriend and therefore you have no right to even try to control my life.”

Darcy flinched as Tony whirled on his feet and slammed the door on his way out. Loki flopped sideways and buried his face into the side of the couch. She tiptoed to the kitchen and poured them both juice.

“Sit up. Drink this,” she said, holding it in front of him.

He reached out to grasp it, but still looked at her with a slight edge of wariness, like he was expecting a lecture.

“Do you want to talk about that?” she asked, sipping.

“I just texted him. Just to let him know. Like ‘Oh, hey, guess who just landed the temporary receptionist job in your dad’s office’ and the next thing I know he’s here, no text or call to say he’s coming and yelling at me that I can’t work in that office and that he won’t have it. Just because he doesn’t talk to his dad doesn’t mean I can’t work in his building. I mean, I probably won’t ever see the guy. And even if I do, is he really going to remember someone he saw running out of his son’s apartment years ago? I mean, I don’t even look like that anymore…”

“Running out?”

He waved a hand vaguely. “Yeah. You want the story? OK. Tony’s spent a lot of time drinking on his dad’s dollar and… generally doing what I’d have done if Odin had been dumb enough to let me anywhere near his credit cards. So this one day Tony’s literally, uh… Well, a certain part of his anatomy is engulfed in my throat, and fortunately I’m still dressed, though not intending to stay that way long, and then I hear the front door open and I hum like ‘Huh?’ and Tony is not paying attention, he’s all ‘Oooh, yeah, just like that’-”

“Is this part relevant? It’s early…”

“Yes, it’s relevant, because then this voice goes ‘Anthony Edward Stark!’ and he jerks back and goes ‘Shit! Mom! Dad!’ and I was out of there, I was like a whirlwind, BOOM, gone. They hardly saw my face. Stark Senior won’t recognize me, even if he deigns to look upon the guy at the front desk. It was years ago. It won’t be a problem. Tony’s just paranoid.”

Darcy looked at him uncertainly. “How long’s the contract?”

“Three months starting next week. Maternity cover. I figured ‘Phoenix and Tortoise’ will be up and running by then.”

“Turtle. And yeah, probably nearly.”

“It won’t be a problem. I’ll tie my hair back, I’ll wear colors other than black. He won’t recognize me. He doesn’t know me. He’s seen me a grand total of once, from the back, ages ago.”

“And what about… what about Tony?”

He groaned. “Fuck Tony. He needs to get over himself.”

He went on to tell Darcy all about how sorry Tony felt for himself, how he said that his parents had always neglected him in favor of their business, how he’d never had a chance to make his own decisions and how Loki thought he was stupid not to take everything he could. She bit her tongue not pointing out how similarly stubborn they were when it came to family.

They spent the morning rehydrating and then Loki made Darcy take him work-wear shopping. She managed to convince him to at least buy one white shirt. Not wearing black only went so far when you wore deep purples and bottle greens instead.


	10. Chapter 10

Darcy learned three things during the next three weeks.

Firstly that Loki really didn’t like offices. She gradually managed to filter out his complaining about his day, but somehow kept up enough not to be accused of not listening.

Secondly that she had never met anyone who quite embodied the word ‘jovial’ as much as Thor’s friend Volstagg. He had arrived, bursting with laughter, oldest daughter in tow, and remained as unfailingly cheerful as they worked. Darcy had hung around the store just for the chat, especially since Loki wasn’t around during the day anymore.

Thirdly, that Steve was an impressively fast learner when it came to sex. He wasn’t instinctive about it as Loki was, but he asked questions.

‘Do you like that?’, ‘Does that feel good?’, ‘Faster?’, ‘More?’. Darcy had never really understood why actors moaned out ‘yes’ so often in sex scenes until she found herself doing it for real. It didn’t take her long to realize that Steve had something of a consent kink. The more vocal she was about her pleasure, the more determined he was to give it to her. And to be fair, Loki and Bucky were right. Having regular orgasms made her feel less concerned about everything. She supposed she could have tried her own hand more often, but it wasn’t even the release that helped so much as the intimacy. Non-sexual closeness helped as well. Getting off was more of a happy side effect.

She’d tried to explain this to Jane with little success. Mainly because Jane tried to explain hormonal responses that might explain her reaction, which wasn’t what Darcy wanted to think about. She wanted to think about special connections and deep understandings. She was far more comfortable around Steve. She felt free to tease him and to talk about the things that were worrying her and to trust his advice.

Bucky was quietly pleased that everything was working out so well. He’d taken to coming along to the Thursday class as well as keeping up his usual Friday meetings. So far he’d managed to make two and a half scarves. He said he wanted to make at least six before he posted them. He was gradually becoming chattier around other people, and Darcy was especially pleased to find that he was forming an unlikely friendship with Peggy. He said she reminded him of a girl he knew in high school. Darcy thought it was more likely that he appreciated how forthright Peggy was, the fact that she spoke to him as she would anyone else.

Happy with her boyfriend, comfortable living with Loki, friends with Bucky, business well on the way to repairs… Darcy distracted herself from the familiar sense of fear that something terrible might be about to happen to her. After all, her store had already burned. It was unlikely to happen twice.

What did, in fact, happen started with a stunning group of coincidences.

It all started the day Loki was recognized at work. Not by Howard Stark, who had apparently been merrily walking past him for nearly a month without so much as a flicker, a fact that Loki was equal parts outraged and relieved by, but by Steve who arrived to show his portfolio for some potential work.

“You didn’t tell me Loki was working for Stark industries!” he’d said to Darcy later.

“Hmm? Oh, yeah. Temporarily.”

“He was really weird with me though. Barely seemed like him.”

“Yeah, well, Tony wasn’t too pleased that he took the job so he keeps his head down. It’s just for another couple of months.”

“Wait, Tony? Tony Stark? Loki’s Tony is Tony Stark?”

“Yeah. I know. It’s kind of a big deal. But he doesn’t get on with his parents or something? I don’t know, nothing to do with us if he doesn’t want to be involved in the family business.”

“What are you talking about? He’s involved. He negotiated my design contract with them.”

Darcy stared at him. “You’re sure it was Tony?”

“Yeah. In a different office. I met Howard and he said that really his son was dealing with the new logo design and I got sent to his office instead. Dark hair? Goatee? Talks like he’s known you forever?”

She nodded.

“Then I have met Loki’s Tony.”

She spent the rest of the night in a vague state of unease. Because if Steve had met Tony then Tony hadn’t rejected his family. If Tony worked in the family business, that meant he’d lied. That meant he’d lied to Loki.

She called him the next morning.

“Tony?”

“What’s up, Mittens?”

“Are you in the office right now?”

There was a horribly long pause.

“Who have you been talking to, Darcy?”

“Does it matter? You’ve been lying. Why have you been lying?”

“I don’t want to do this over the phone. Have lunch with me and we’ll talk.”

She reluctantly agreed.

It was bizarre to see Tony wearing a suit. She was used to him being in battered band t-shirts and black jeans. At least the sunglasses were a constant. He’d taken her to a really fancy deli and she felt distinctly underdressed.

“So,” she said, trying to cover how nervous she felt in his presence, which was stupid considering. “You want to tell me why you lied about your dad?”

He turned strangely harsh eyes on her, but softened almost instantly. “I didn’t lie. Not fully, anyway. I really didn’t get on with him for years. But I grew up. I realized how privileged I am. I’m at least going to pay attention to where my money comes from. Decide what the business does when I own it.”

“But why did you lie? To me, to Loki?”

He sighed deeply. “Because you guys were separate from all this and all the people who act like they like me because it’s in their interests. I first knew Loki when I was going through bad times and he was one of the best things about my life then. Which, considering how destructive and unpredictable he was, just goes to show how bad things were. You know, drink, people, problems… Whatever. Point is that he liked me for me, not for my name, not for my money. And then his family problems… He hates even the idea of working for his dad, how could I tell him that after all our conversations about how we didn’t need them that I went back?”

“But you knew he’d find out. He’ll find out somehow.”

A shrug. “We don’t talk much about our real lives. Why would I mention it? It’s nice to believe something’s real. It’s even nice to believe a liar. And you just didn’t need to know so I didn’t tell you.”

Darcy considered this and tried to negotiate the huge chorizo-based sandwich in front of her.

“But you didn’t have a job,” she said eventually. “Or at least, you didn’t have a steady job. Loki summons you whenever, you show up in the middle of the day.”

“I’m practically the boss. I decide when I work. If I have a ‘meeting’ outside of the office, it’s no one’s business.”

It was bizarre. This was not the devil-may-care Tony she knew. He had a career. A really successful career. He was poised to take over a whole company. And he took random breaks to sleep with his long-term fuck buddy.

“You don’t really think your dad will recognize Loki. You think he’ll realize that you’ve been lying to him for years.”

“That’s a strong word. I’ve just been omitting certain things for years.”

“Somehow I don’t think that argument will work on him.”

Tony dropped the spoon he’d been using to stir his latte.

“Sounds like you’re planning on telling him. I can’t let you do that.”

“But I can’t hide this from him! Not now I know.”

“Why not?”

“Because. I promised, after the whole Steve thing, that I wouldn’t keep things from him anymore.”

Tony’s eyes flashed. “Steve. The artist. I am getting slow, I should have put that together. Alright, and you have to imagine how much this pains me to do, but I’ll make you a deal. You don’t tell Loki and I don’t fire your boyfriend.”

Darcy’s mouth dropped open.


	11. Chapter 11

This was not the Tony she knew.

He was not mean like this, he was not stupid like this. This was a stupid plan and she could tell that he knew that. Trying to keep the fact that you’re part of a huge business secret from a regular fixture in your life was insane. What was he going to do? Have a mansion but also a gross apartment for Loki to visit?

He gave his excuses. How Loki would never forgive him, how he didn’t want to lose what they had.

Darcy struggled not to yell at him for playing with her boyfriend’s life for the sake of cheap sex.

Tony shrugged and said that Loki meant that much to him.

“You should know,” he said, nastily. “You’ve had his brand of carnal pleasure often enough.”

She didn’t exactly have a choice. She couldn’t tell Loki or Tony would know she had and he would fire Steve. And she couldn’t tell Steve or tell Steve not to tell Loki or he would ask why and she’d be in further trouble because then Steve would throw principles into the mix and then everyone would be unhappy.

So she did the only thing she could think of.

She called the second sneakiest person she knew.

She explained the whole sorry story to Bucky and then he laughed and told her that she was ridiculous and that there was a very obvious solution.

“Yeah?” she asked. “What?”

“First of all, we need someone with plausible deniability. And you need to be prepared to act. Really, really well.”

“What are you talking about?”

“Loki works reception in the office of Mr Stark Senior. We have someone call and ask to be put through to Mr Stark. When they get through to his personal assistant, because of course he has one, our person clarifies that they meant Mr Stark Junior. The call then bounces back to Loki and our person explains that they’ve been told that they actually seek the younger Mr Stark. Loki finds the external number. He calls Tony. The fight goes down. You stand by to look after Loki when he comes home and must – this is important – must have an alibi. You didn’t put this in motion. It’s not your fault. Tony doesn’t tell Loki that you knew because if he does then you’ll reveal what he threatened and Loki closes rank with you even further. Steve keeps his job. Loki finds out. We all try to move on.”

“Incredible. You’re a genius.”

“Yes, but I’m a genius without contacts. We need someone to call Stark Industries who has no apparent connection to us.”

They brainstormed ideas for a while. Obviously a lot of people were out of the running. Thor probably knew someone, but he’d be unlikely to want to be involved in something so underhand. Darcy suggested asking Sif if she could find someone, but Bucky thought that, in fact, anyone involved in that business was out as well.

“What about Clint, what does he do?” Bucky asked.

“I don’t know. But Natasha works in banking, I think. Something financial, lots of stress. She might know someone. Probably illegal for her to do it though.”

“Hmm. We should probably steer clear of that.”

“See, this is the problem, everyone we know knows everyone else we know.”

It took a long time of trying to think of anyone suitable before Bucky shyly mentioned that there was maybe someone he knew that they could ask. Technically an old friend of Steve’s, who’d later become an old friend of Bucky’s, but who was very charming and nice according to Bucky and who would probably be happy to help them out.

And so Darcy met Sam Wilson.

Apparently Bucky hadn’t actually spoken to Sam for some months, which as far as Darcy was concerned was good for their current scheme. And apparently Sam was sort of aware that Bucky was going through some stuff and hadn’t pushed too hard, figuring Bucky knew where he was if he wanted help.

They met in an unfamiliar café during Sam’s lunch break. Darcy felt like a spy or something, going to meet a stranger in a strange place. She wore sunglasses and a non-knit scarf, hiding her identity just slightly. Bucky laughed at her.

And Sam was indeed charming and nice. And handsome. Bucky hadn’t thought to mention that.

“Hi,” he said, shaking her hand. “So you need me to play a big prank or something?”

“Not exactly. I need you to cause a slight confusion so that I can get away with righting a wrong that isn’t even my wrong to right and it’s all just a mess, but hopefully you can help us with that…”

Sam smiled politely at her babbling.

“I think it might be easier if I don’t know the full story,” he said. “I’ll be able to claim ignorance then. Just tell me what I need to do.”

They agreed that the phone call should come from an outside line, during Thursday knit class so both Darcy and Bucky would have witnesses as to their whereabouts. She had carefully scripted what Sam ought to say. Everything was perfect. They’d even exchanged numbers under false names. Not even their phones could give them away.

Darcy was nervous the whole day, constantly having to untangle her knitting and redo stitches where her mind had wandered.

Eventually she breathed a sigh of relief when her phone buzzed upon the receipt of a text.

‘Sorry,’ it read. ‘Seems I won’t be able to offer you the rate we agreed.’

She understood. Sam had put things in motion. Now they just had to wait and see if this had worked.

It had all seemed so simple when Bucky had come up with it. He was looking across at her as she nodded once, trying to signal that everything was going according to plan.

She expected Loki to call.

She didn’t expect to come home to him flopped out on the camp-bed.


	12. Chapter 12

He groaned when she opened the door, throwing an arm over his eyes.

“Loki? You’re home early. Are you OK? Are you sick?”

“’M drunk…” he croaked. “Or I should be anyway… Drank enough, but that was a few hours ago.”

“Oh. Any particular reason?”

_Like I don’t know…_

“Tony. Hate him. No, that’s a lie. I’m… I’m angry and I’m upset.”

“Would you like to talk about it?”

“No. Wanna fuck someone until it stops hurting. But can’t fuck you because Steve. Can’t fuck him, obviously. Clint and Nat are out of town. No strangers in the apartment. Out of options. Decided to follow the last piece of advice Tony gave me when I spoke to him today and go fuck myself but then I decided I’d get drunk instead. And now my phone is beeping and I think it’s him and I think that he’s probably trying to mend bridges but… I can’t stand it. He knows exactly why I hate this kind of thing, me personally. If he’d told me that would have been one thing, but he didn’t and that makes it worse. But then again, it’s his life, why shouldn’t he…”

He stared off into the distance for a moment before continuing more certainly. “Call Thor for me. I’m finally going to deal with my problems like a normal person.”

Darcy hesitated and got him some water instead.

“Call Thor,” he insisted. “I want him.”

“Why do you want him?” she asked warily.

“Because I want to talk to him, that’s why. Am I not allowed to? It’s not going to be anything bad. I just… I want my Thor. My brother. I think my phone’s around here somewhere...”

She found it under the couch where he’d evidently thrown it, unread texts from Tony still on the screen. She didn’t read them, she just pressed buttons until she managed to get a green phone icon to light up next to the picture of Thor’s smiling face.

“Hello?” Thor sounded far away and she realized he was probably still walking home from work.

“Hi, Thor, it’s Darcy. Loki wants to talk to you.”

She held the phone out, ignoring the sound of Thor going from curious to worried at the other end.

Loki didn’t even say hello, he just barreled right in. “Question: if you crawled back to Dad and took over the business, would you blame me if I hated you?”

Darcy awkwardly sat down on the couch.

“No, I haven’t decided to be part of the business. God, do you know me at all? Do you know him at all? He’d never have me. But anyway, would you? …OK, additional question, assuming you knew that I would be unhappy, which obviously you do, would you consider keeping this secret from me in an attempt to spare my feelings?”

He listened for a long time. Apparently Thor had a lot to say about this.

“OK. OK. Yes, Thor, I know you would never keep anything from me. I know… I know. But assuming a hypothetical world in which you would consider it, how long would be an adequate time to let you stew before I accepted your apology?”

Another long pause.

“Oh, it’s wonderfully heartfelt, but it comes after a horrible argument.”

Shorter pause.

“OK. Thank you. Bye.”

He hung up without another word.

“Thor thinks I’d be justified in waiting as long as I want before speaking to Tony again but also he reminds me that forgiveness is something that I have control of and which is good for my happiness.”

“So what are you going to do?” Darcy asked.

“I’ll leave it at least a night. Or two. And then he can see if he can make it up to me. It’s not like he can’t afford it…”

She nodded uncertainly. Part of her suspected that Tony would be extremely wary of being seen to be trying to buy Loki’s affections.

“Also,” Loki was saying, taking a gulp of the water she’d brought. “I notice you’re not asking me for more details about what’s happened.”

Darcy stammered. “I picked it up from your conversation with Thor.”

Loki laughed, proper full-on, throwing his head back. “You are a bad liar sometimes, Darce. And I have truly epic levels of rage within me, but from the way you’re acting it seems that you are somehow responsible for me finding this out.”

“I’m not, I swear.”

“Yeah, yeah. I’m sure you have your reasons for wanting to stay quiet. But anyway, you got the truth to me. I’d kiss your face but you’re far away.”

She obediently walked over and let him press his lips to her cheek.

Maybe she had made the right decision. Maybe this would all work out.

And maybe Tony would be outside tomorrow with a boom box blasting Peter Gabriel.


	13. Chapter 13

It seemed that Tony was so concerned about getting back in contact with Loki that he forgot to threaten Darcy. She’d almost forgotten about that until he apologized to her via text.

‘I shouldn’t have said I’d sack Steve. I didn’t mean it. I wouldn’t have, ever. Anyway. Well played. Done with now.’

She accepted his sentiments, even as Loki held out for another week. Such stubbornness took its toll on him, especially as Tony started visiting his father’s office more often and as such Loki saw him almost every day. Darcy got used to his complaints after work.

She also got used to how excited Steve was about his work. He’d always been passionate about these things, but the way he spoke about this contract made his eyes shine.

“It means a lot to land something like this,” he would say. “If I can put this on my résumé, people will start trying to find me. I’ll still have to fight for contracts, but I’ll be less stressed, I’ll hopefully have fewer people trying to pay me with ‘exposure’. If I get paid better, I’ll be able to do more of my traditional art as well. This could be really good for me.”

And happy people meant happy sex, full of laughter and playful bites and lying smiling at each other afterwards.

All in all, Darcy’s stress levels went from sky high to perfectly manageable. Even having to call all the various contractors who were fixing the store didn’t faze her too much. It wasn’t long until she was able to walk into the completely rebuilt result of that work.

It was like new. It was like a completely new building. Volstagg had re-plastered and applied a basecoat to all the walls and ceilings, the apprentice floorer had made a really good job of the lino, and the plumbing had even been improved.

She almost didn’t want to get the paint samples and spoil the beautiful, pristine white that had been left. After a long time, she settled on blue, a rich dark midnight blue. She wanted to leave the ceiling though so it wouldn’t be completely overpowering.

Loki agreed to help her on the weekend once she’d been to buy the paint and showed up with Tony in tow, letting him sheepishly do most of the work. Part of his punishment, apparently. Steve was surprised to see him, planting a kiss against Darcy’s lips before even noticing his boss slopping paint around.

“Er… hi,” he said, awkwardly.

“Hey,” Tony replied. “Are you as good with a brush as you are with graphics? Because I could really use a hand here. Not that you aren’t doing a great job,” he said in response to Loki’s huff.

Loki deposited his brush on the edge of the paint tin.

“Nope,” he said. “That’s it. Darcy and I are going on a coffee run and I won’t be surprised at all if we find ourselves merely observing the work upon our return and not helping.”

“What, you’re going to let your boyfriend and I get all the credit?” Steve said, laughing.

Darcy tried to subtly shake her head when Tony and Loki made confused faces, but Steve caught her.

“What am I missing?” he asked.

“I’ll… I’ll tell you later,” Darcy said.

Loki’s eyes widened a little. “We’ll be back with coffee soon.”

He walked with Darcy for a block and a half before speaking very quietly.

“Steve thinks me and Tony are boyfriends, huh?”

Darcy groaned. “He just assumed. I swear, that’s not what I told him, but he made an assumption and I just… didn’t correct him. I figured it would be easier not to drop all of… that on him too early. I didn’t exactly want to explain that you, Clint and Nat were going to fuck after we left that time and apparently you’d mentioned Tony and so I didn’t correct him. It’s sweet, really. He calls him ‘Loki’s Tony’.”

That made him laugh. “I’ll have to tell him that one. I’ll never let him live that one down.”

“I mean, he also thinks that you’re not interested in women and that Clint fancies you but would never cheat on Natasha. Natural assumptions but very wrong.”

Loki went suddenly quiet. “Steve thinks I’m gay?”

“Yeah.”

“And you… let him?”

“Well… I didn’t correct him. I mean, he was so cool about us living together and I think part of it was that he doesn’t see you as a threat because he doesn’t think you’d ever be interested. Why, is it a problem if he thinks that?”

“I guess not, it’s just… I don’t know, it was hard for me to find a name for what I am, I mean… I was trying to put a name on a sexuality that was primarily based around one person who happened to be my brother, but on the other hand since I couldn’t have Thor I was happy to have anyone else, so what the hell was I? Thorromantic pansexual? I settled on bi eventually because it seldom needed a full-on explanation, even though it doesn’t cover everything. I’m just not sure how I feel about people using labels I don’t ascribe to.”

“Sorry. I didn’t realize.”

Loki didn’t say much else until they were nearly back to the store, at which point he muttered, “Will you really tell Steve the truth later?”

“Yes. I think I owe him that. And I owe you the words you identify with.”

“Would-be brother-fucker?”

“Shut up, Loki…”

Steve had painted almost a quarter of one of the walls. Tony had painted a series of faces in a variety of expressions. Exactly the way Darcy expected him to behave if left unsupervised for a moment.

It was a strange day. They painted and laughed and sang and danced around the empty store and ordered pizza to the door (Tony paying, obviously) and sat on the floor surrounded by new-paint smell, smears of blue still on their skin.

Darcy literally saw the moment that Loki’s resolve to make Tony work harder for full forgiveness faltered. It was somewhere between his second and third slice of pepperoni. His gaze raked down Tony’s body and she recognized the slight change in his jaw, a tiny clench.

_He used to look at me like that._

“Can I stay at yours tonight, Steve?” she asked.

Loki looked across at her, half-smirking. She was sure that if telepathy were possible, he’d be congratulating them both on getting some this evening.


	14. Chapter 14

Too late for coffee and not in the mood for liquor, Steve was forced to dig around in the back of his cupboard to find tea. All the while, Darcy bit her lip and wondered how to broach the subject of essentially everything Steve thought he knew about Loki being incorrect.

“Thanks,” she said when Steve proudly placed a mug in front of her. “Exactly what I need, thank you.”

“No problem.”

She shuffled uncomfortably a little while longer until he asked if she was feeling alright.

“Yeah,” she said uncertainly, taking a sip of tea for cover. “It’s just that… Loki and Tony aren’t boyfriends.”

Steve frowned. “What, are they… engaged or something?”

“No, they’re um… They’re not…” she waved her hands desperately. “They don’t have a relationship as such. Not in the same way that you and I do. They just sleep together.”

“You’re telling me that Tony Stark has a friend with benefits? Wow. I mean, I had wondered how they’d ended up together. They seem to move in different circles. But it’s not a big deal, you know? Lots of people have arrangements. Why were you worried about telling me?”

She hesitated. “Have you ever had ‘an arrangement’?”

“Me? God, no. I like to be properly attached to someone. Like you do, you know? Similar thing.”

Darcy stared at her hands, tightening around her mug, the heat of it slightly uncomfortable now.

Steve laughed and she cringed.

“You’ve had a… a fuck buddy?” he asked, incredulous. “But what about your trust thing?”

“My trust thing isn’t necessarily romantic,” she said, trying to keep the edge of defensiveness out of her voice. “And yes, once before, I grew to trust someone without being romantically interested and we had a physical relationship on the side of our friendship.”

She’d said all of that in a rush and Steve carefully took the mug out of her hands, placing it safely on the table so he could crouch down and look up at her, linking their fingers together.

“I don’t know why you’re telling me this,” he said gently. “I expected you to have had other relationships. I’m not one of those weird guys who goes on about purity or whatever. I’ve had other girlfriends, you’ve had other boyfriends and one… non-boyfriend. And that’s fine. You don’t need to be nervous about telling me that kind of thing. You’re with me now. That’s what matters to me.”

Darcy closed her eyes and took a deep breath.

“My non-boyfriend was Loki.”

Nothing moved for a few minutes. Then Steve let go of her hands. She opened her eyes but stared down at the floor, unable to look him in the eye. She could hear him pacing.

“Loki’s gay,” he said firmly. “How can you have…?”

“He’s not gay. He’s bisexual. He’s interested in both men and women.”

“I know what bisexual means. When was this?”

“Just before us. I broke up… Not ‘broke up’, I called things off with him when I knew I was going to date you.”

“And you didn’t tell me.”

Now she looked up. “What happened to ‘it’s normal that we’ve had other relationships’? I didn’t tell you because bringing up your ex early on is weird. Especially when you weren’t really together. Especially when he’s still an important part of my life. I didn’t want to scare you off.”

He stopped pacing suddenly. “You _live_ with him.”

“And we’re over. But I didn’t want to tell you because I knew that this would happen.”

He seemed to think for a moment. “You said that Tony and Loki have been together for years…”

“Loki is not exclusive with his… people. We all know about it. Some of us would even… get together sometimes.”

Steve stared at her like he’d never seen her before.

“How many?” he breathed.

“Clint and Natasha. Often. Date night really is date night.”

“I don’t care about them, I care about you.”

She ran her hands down her face. Now or never, she supposed.

“Once. One time. Me and Loki and Tony.”

Steve spluttered before she could go on. “I didn’t touch Tony, hardly at all. It was more that Loki had sex with both of us at the same time.”

Steve suddenly laughed hysterically as Darcy eyed him fearfully.

“‘I’ll date the yarn store girl’, I thought,” he said. “‘She’s nice, she’s steady, no skeletons there…’”

Darcy flushed. “I told you on our very first date - not even a date - that I had stuff in my past!”

“Yeah, but I thought you meant… I don’t know, you had a few one-night-stands or something. I didn’t expect to find out that my girlfriend once had a threesome with her roommate and Tony goddamn Stark!”

It wasn’t as though Darcy had anything to say to that. She stood up and approached him instead but he shook off her hand when she touched his shoulder.

“Don’t,” he said. “I need to think about this.”

She hesitated. “Would you like me to leave?”

Steve ran the back of his hand over his eyes and she realized that he wasn’t angry. He was upset. Upset because… why? She wasn’t sure. That she’d had non-conventional relationships? Or that she hadn’t told him about them?

“I think it might be better if you did,” he said quietly.

“So we’re… what?”

Her voice had trembled slightly and he patted her vaguely on the shoulder.

“This isn’t a break up,” he said. “I just… I need to get my head around this. If it had just been that you were still friends with your ex, that would have been one thing. But you live with him. You… you weren’t ever exclusive with him, there’s… It’s weird to me, alright? And I’m sorry if that makes me… I don’t know. But I want to think about this now and I can’t do that with you here and I don’t want to say something that I don’t mean…”

He was rambling as Darcy gathered her things and headed for the door, tea left to grow cold on the table.

They didn’t kiss when they said goodbye.


	15. Chapter 15

She forgot that Loki and Tony had gone home together. She heard a distant yelp when she closed the door of her apartment, and then Loki’s head sheepishly popped out of her bedroom.

“You’re, uh… You’re back,” he said. “We weren’t expecting you back.”

She looked at him, all disheveled hair and kiss-swollen lips and fought the urge to cry.

“Are you having sex in my bed?” she said, the resignation creeping out in her voice.

“We… we were. I’m sorry. The camp-bed is fine if someone’s willing to stand but it creaks a little if two people…”

“I don’t care,” she said. “My headphones are on the nightstand, get them for me. I’ll sleep in your bed and you can have mine.”

He dutifully fetched them, wearing her duvet like a toga.

“Darcy, you’re not OK,” he said, ignoring her bitter laugh. “Is there anything I can do about that?”

She thought for a moment about following him into her own bed to join Tony, thought about getting manhandled and pushed between them, thought about exhausting herself completely so that she didn’t have to think anymore.

And then she thought about Steve sitting alone is his apartment trying to put his head around a completely new world view and made a decision.

“No,” she said firmly. “Go fuck Tony. Or whatever. Just keep it down. I’m going to listen to bad pop music and eat some ice cream and cry and sleep.”

He looked at her doubtfully and disappeared, coming back with Tony, both of them wearing hastily-thrown on jeans and not even trying to hide the marks they’d left on each other’s flesh.

“No,” Darcy said when they sat on the couch. “I don’t want to talk about it. Go away.”

“You’re upset, I want to know why,” Loki said.

“Go fuck each other!”

They sat in silence as she breathed deeply, trying to calm down.

“I explained some stuff to Steve. He didn’t take it well. I’m home now, I want to sleep and I want you to leave me alone to feel sorry for myself.”

“When you say ‘not well’, are we talking yelling?” Tony asked.

She slumped onto the camp bed.

“No… Just. Questions. And he was…” she frowned. “Confused.”

“What exactly did you explain to him?” Loki asked.

“Me and you. You and him. You and Clint and Nat. Me and you and him…”

“Jesus…”

“I was trying to be honest.”

“I know. And I’m sure Steve will figure that out. He seems nice. But lifestyles like mine… they aren’t normal. Or… no, I don’t want to say that, that’s not what I mean. They aren’t common. It’s hard for people to understand. Don’t you remember, when you first found out?”

“I was very understanding. Or I tried to be.”

“Yes, but you had no additional agenda with me. You weren’t trying to pursue me. Steve likes you. He wants an exclusive relationship with you. Can you blame him for maybe being a little surprised?”

Loki being the voice of reason was ridiculous.

She knew he was right, that was the worst thing. All she wanted was peace to take care of herself. She wanted to be left alone, that’s all.

“I’m sure I’ll feel better in the morning,” she said. “Go back to bed.”

Tony left but Loki lingered.

“I’m sorry,” he said.

“Why?”

“Because I pushed this on you. You could have just never told him but because I made you think I wanted you to, it’s messed you up.”

Darcy kicked off her shoes.

“It’s not your fault,” she said. “I’d have told him sooner or later. Probably better this way.”

“One bit of advice though. Don’t ever tell him about the time after.”

“What time after?”

“I’m offended you’ve forgotten. The corset. The night after you had coffee. Don’t ever tell him that. I want something secret to have with you.”

She snorted. “Some secret. Me, you, Nat, Clint, Thor, Jane…”

“Yeah. But still, they don’t know everything. It was our last time. I want to keep it for just us.”

He finally left her alone to strip down to her t-shirt, pulling her bra out through the sleeve. She shut off the light and stubbed her toe trying to get back to the bed. The tears came easily then, partially physical pain but mostly the stress of holding them back so long.

She knew Loki and Tony could probably hear her. She stifled her sobs as best she could, put in her headphones and willed herself to sleep.

It felt like only minutes before she was waking up again, the sound of her phone vibrating against the floor where it was still in her jeans pockets pervading her dreams.

For a second she thought it might be Steve. Calling to apologize, talk more sensibly, something.

But it wasn’t.

It was Jane.

She answered it croakily, throat still sore from crying last night.

“Are you alright?” Jane asked immediately.

“Why wouldn’t I be?”

“Well… OK, it was really awkward, but Steve called us last night. Wanted to ask Thor what he thought about Loki’s lifestyle. Did he know that Loki slept around, basically.”

Darcy groaned. “And?”

“And Thor said it wasn’t hurting anyone and that it wasn’t his business. And then, as though to prove that fact, he went super in-depth with the birth control and anti-STI precautions that Loki apparently uses.”

“Yeah. He’s careful like that.”

“But anyway, eventually Thor asks how he knows and Steve gets all nervous and eventually admits that you told him about you and Loki and Thor just merrily carried on and so Steve is a little bit annoyed that Thor knew and he didn’t. Or that Thor knew and didn’t tell him. And so I said that I’d told him you were seeing someone ages ago and he’d still asked you out and Thor said that he’s not his brother’s keeper and so didn’t see the need to air his dirty laundry, and basically I think Steve knows he’s in the wrong but I thought I’d let you know anyway.”

That had been a long stream of consciousness.

“So, anyway,” Jane continued, “I wondered if you wanted to go shopping today.”

“You don’t like shopping. Not unless you know what you’re going for.”

“I know, but… isn’t that what you’re meant to do when your best friend is sad?”

Darcy sighed. “I’ll come to you. Get junk food. I wanted ice cream last night but never got to it, so some of that would be nice. I’ll bring musicals.”

“I hate musicals.”

“I know. Better than shopping though.”

Jane reluctantly agreed.

Darcy left a note for Loki on the kitchen counter.


	16. Chapter 16

Jane always knew when to talk and when not to talk. So she didn’t push, even as Thor hovered awkwardly in their kitchen, obviously wanting to know what to say and not realizing why they weren’t discussing things. They talked about how painting the yarn store had gone and her furniture plans, but nothing about her current relationship issues.

Eventually Thor announced he was going to the gym, apparently having come to the conclusion that Darcy didn’t want to talk while he was there. In fact she didn’t want to talk at all. She wanted to eat ice cream and watch camp movies from the fifties.

To her credit, Jane did the minimum of grumbling about her choices (“What? No ‘Chicago’?”) and seemed content to just be with her and confirm that she was alright.

And when Darcy’s phone rang, they both jumped and looked each other in the eye for a moment.

“Is it him?” Jane asked.

“Probably.”

“Are you going to answer it?”

“I probably should.”

She caught it on the last few seconds of ringing.

“Hello?”

“Hi, Darcy,” Steve’s voice was soft at the other end of the line. “How are you?”

“I’m… better,” she said. “How are you?”

Jane rolled her eyes slightly.

“I’m better too. I want to apologize. You were very honest with me last night, more honest than you had to be, and I was too quick to judge and I’m sorry. I thought it over and I sought advice and… It’s still strange to me, but it’s your life and if I want to be a part of that then I have to accept the complications. That’s the deal.”

“What deal?”

“If you forgive me, I’ll try to be more understanding in future. I can’t… I need more time to come to terms with this but I’ll get there.”

“How long?”

“A few days. A week maybe?” He sighed deeply. “I’m sorry. I really am but I’ve never been in a situation like this before. I’ve never even met a girlfriend’s ex before and this is more complicated than that. But I wanted to let you know that I know I’m being an ass so I’m going to stay away from you until I stop being an ass and then hopefully we can get back to where we were. Is that alright?”

Darcy hesitated, fiddling with the throw over the back of Jane’s couch.

“I guess,” she said. “I just wish I’d never told you.”

“No, don’t. It’s good that we’re facing this now. There wouldn’t have ever been a good time to tell me.”

“Maybe when Loki wasn’t living with me…”

“Oh. Yeah. Maybe then. But you’d still be seeing him every day, I probably wouldn’t have taken it any better. I’ll call you. And I’m sorry.”

“Same.”

He laughed humorlessly. “You didn’t do anything wrong. This is my problem and I’ll deal with it.”

“Alright. I’ll see you… I’ll see you.”

Jane didn’t push for answers, but Darcy could tell she was concerned.

Bucky was easier to deal with, knowing most of the details from Steve and able to offer a little insight from the other perspective.

“It’ll be tough,” he said on the phone later. “I told you before, Steve sometimes gets a little jealous. Watch out for him even after you’re back, he’ll be keeping an eye on Loki. Not suspiciously, he’s just insecure. He flat out told me that he thought Loki was hotter than him and so why would you choose him over what you already had.”

“Because what I had wasn’t the kind of relationship I wanted.”

“But you’d go back to it.”

“If Steve and I broke up then yeah, I guess.”

“See, that’s the part he’s finding difficult to get his head around. You don’t love Loki romantically, but you do love him as a friend and enough to have sex with him. Steve will always have it in the back of his mind that one day you’ll wake up and decide it was a mistake to end things there.”

“But it’s not the same!” Darcy insisted.

“Oh, I know. But he can’t separate sex from relationships. Never had sex with someone he wasn’t dating. And in theory he understands, but I could tell from talking to him that basically he thinks that you’re lying to yourself and that there was romance there.”

“There wasn’t!”

He chuckled. “You don’t need to convince me, you need to convince Steve.”

Darcy thought this over for a while.

“I’m not going to change the way I am around Loki,” she said firmly. “I’m not going to not be friends with him. That’s just not going to happen.”

“Steve wouldn’t want you to. But if you see him, and you will, looking a little lost and fearful then just touch him a little bit. Kiss him, ground him, make it clear that it’s him you want. He’ll calm down eventually.”

“What if he doesn’t?”

Bucky sighed. “Then I guess you’ll be added to the list of perfectly nice girls that Steve sabotaged himself with.”

“List? There’s a list?”

She was almost upset at that idea. She’d thought they were special.

“Not a long list. But it wouldn’t be the first time he thought his girlfriend liked someone else. He once flat-out accused me of trying to steal one of them. Not true. I just got on better with her than he did, couldn’t help it. And he jumped from friendship to close friendship to love to cheating on him in an afternoon. But that was ages ago. He’s better now.”

Darcy wished Bucky was actually with her. She’d convinced Jane that she’d be fine at home and ended up sitting in her bed, trying not to think of the fact that Loki and Tony had been doing god-knew what in it. At least they’d put towels down. But she was all alone and she didn’t know what to do.

She made a list of furniture wants and a budget and tried to sleep.

It was difficult. She hadn’t realized how used to another body she’d become over the past months. Her bed felt huge and empty.


	17. Chapter 17

It was a tough week.

Darcy had help getting furniture from thrift stores. Old wooden benches and scarred tables, bleached from years of use. Jane also bought her an antique spinning wheel, saying it would look good in the window, never mind that no one knew how to use it. She had to resort to IKEA for a new counter and table for the office. Loki managed to get everything he needed as well, which was essentially just a new bed. He said he’d get more stuff later, though Darcy doubted he’d get much other than cushions and maybe a table. He liked being able to sprawl.

Thor came to help carry things, and insisted that he knew a guy who could make her a really cool yarn display from reclaimed wood. It did turn out pretty impressively, all whorls and gnarled edges, but full of eccentric crannies to store yarn displays in. The whole place seemed organic, like it had been there for years. If you ignored the lingering smell of fresh paint, you could almost believe the store had always been this way.

All in all, it was successful and the store was almost ready to reopen, a little over four months after it had burned down. Bucky had made five scarves in the meantime, one a month, steadily, like clockwork.

And so they moved the yarn back in the boxes that been scattered around Darcy’s apartment. Loki moved back on the Wednesday, taking the few clothes and things he’d acquired in the interim with him. It was lonely without him. And Darcy tried to decide when to reopen.

She decided to wait until Loki’s contract at Stark Industries was up. It was a good excuse and it gave her time to prepare, updating the website before the relaunch. She hesitated before trying to get the domain name changed. She did still want to rename it, but now the new name was tangled up with Steve and all the trouble there.

It was a relief to hear his voice when he finally called.

“I’m not sure I’ll be able to say what I want to say, so I’ve written you a letter. Will you come and read it for me?”

A sense of unease drifted over her as she made her way to his apartment. What did he have to say? Why couldn’t he just say it? Why was this complicated?

She wasn’t even sure how to greet him. A kiss? Not a kiss? They settled for an awkward hug and then Steve handed over a piece of paper in his neat, ordered handwriting.

“Dear Darcy,” it began. “Let me begin by telling you again that I am sorry.”

It was long and rambling, explaining some insecurities he had, things that Bucky had mentioned, things that he hadn’t. Numerous apologies. Apologies for not understanding, for taking so long to come to terms with things, promises to apologize to Loki even, for criticizing his lifestyle. She read it all, all these words asking her to forgive him. She’d have laughed, if she could. She’d forgiven him days ago when she’d realized how she missed him.

She told him so afterwards and saw him slump in relief.

“I made you something,” he said carefully. “You don’t have to like it, but… well, I wanted to do something for you and this is all I’m good at so…”

He fetched something from his desk. It was a painting. The outline of a bird and a turtle, simple lines, made of a large ball of yarn drawn to the side.

“It’s a… it’s a sign,” he said. “For your store. Or I have this one, where I put the writing as well…”

He showed her several different versions. Graphics and logos and art that he’d made for her.

“And I know a guy, we can get you a new sign made… You don’t have to use my designs or anything if you don’t like them.”

“I love them,” Darcy said, meaning every word. “I just don’t know how I’ll choose.”

“Well, you can ask Loki what he thinks. Since he’s the turtle in this situation.”

She hesitated. “But I thought you were the turtledove. If I’m the phoenix.”

He shrugged. “We’re not them. We shouldn’t try to base our relationship on anyone else’s, not even fictional birds. We’re us. And that’s alright. But if you’re Phoenix and Turtle yarns then I’m not letting my girlfriend not be the phoenix. And that makes him the turtle.”

She reached out and squeezed his hand.

“They’re beautiful. Thank you.”

There was a slightly awkward moment as they leaned closer to one another, both wanting the other to be sure before they kissed. But when it happened, it was glorious.

“I missed you,” Darcy said as Steve took his designs from her hands and ran his hand over her back. “I missed you so much.”

He kissed her again, harder, and let her start pushing him towards the bedroom.

“You want to…?” he breathed.

“Yes. I want to be with you again.”

He picked her up and carried her the rest of the way.

It was nice to be taken care of. She really had missed it, missed him, missed this. Missed him laying her down so carefully, missed the way he yanked off his t-shirt, missed that moment where he would look at her like he’d never seen anything like her flesh. She couldn’t believe that he was nervous about his looks, but the way he looked at her made her forget all her own hang-ups. He made her feel special, beautiful.

He touched her with wonder in his fingertips.


	18. Chapter 18

They kissed for what seemed like hours, getting the taste of each other back into their mouths. Darcy could quite happily have lain there for days, the familiar warmth of Steve’s flesh flowing through her skin.

Eventually she rolled them so she could put the condom on him for a change. He pulled her back down immediately, skin to skin again.

“I can’t believe I almost let you go,” he said against her lips. “I can’t believe I was so stupid.”

“Ssh…” Darcy said, running her fingers through his hair. “Forgotten. Don’t worry about it.”

His kisses were growing greedier, his breathing harsher, and she could feel his muscles clenching and trembling with arousal. Eventually she managed to draw back and look him in the eye, enjoying the slight flush on his cheeks.

“We’re going to do this on my terms,” she whispered. “The way I want it.”

One more kiss before she sat up, reaching down to guide him into her.

She rode him, slowly at first, savoring each moan and gasp that she wrung from Steve’s lips. She felt incredible, in control of the motion, able to focus on her own pleasure and her pleasure at giving pleasure. Steve stroked his hands up her thighs, over her hips, no pressure, ghosting over her skin. She leant forward, continuing to rock back and forth, thighs tight around Steve. She wanted to stay like this forever. She wanted Steve to stay here with her in a little bubble of warmth and kisses and sex.

His fingers tensed slightly and she gripped his hand, moving it between her legs. He knew this routine and quickly fell into a rhythm they’d worked out. Sometimes he would tease her, altering his movements but never giving her enough, driving her into a frenzy of need. Not today though. This was about the two of them and how well they’d come to know each other’s bodies.

Darcy knew exactly when to speed up, just as Steve was starting to pant, making him breathe in sharply. The hand not working on her clit moved up to one of her breasts and Darcy moaned at the contact, encouraging more attention. She wanted to be adored, wanted to take strength from his desire.

“Darce…” he forced out. “I need to… I need you to come for me.”

“Then make me.”

He started meeting her movements, thrusting upwards and moved two of his fingers over the area where they were joined, little circles, trying to encourage her , faster and faster. She felt her orgasm coming, she only needed a little more before she was shaking with it, mouth open in a silent scream. Steve moaned beneath her as he felt her clench around him and she realized he’d been holding back, determined to let her come first.

She flopped forward, letting Steve kiss her back to life, hands stroking her sides and mumbling sweet nothings whenever his lips were free and held her close as they napped the afternoon away.

A few days later, and with imput from Loki, Steve finalized a design for the new store sign. Darcy kept the original and pinned it up in her kitchen along with her handwritten copy of ‘The Phoenix and the Turtle’.

The relaunch was odd. Thor wanted to document everything for some reason and took photographs of everything from the installation of the new sign to Darcy cutting through a ceremonial bit of yarn in place of a ribbon. It all seemed very over the top to Darcy, considering there were literally only around nine people present, but at the same time it was the end of possibly the longest four months of her life.

They had little sandwiches and cakes, buffet style to celebrate. Darcy felt like a child at a birthday party, or like she was at a family wedding. Except the bride was the store.

And she found herself smiling properly and uncontrollably.

Smiling as Steve lightly rested his arm around her waist, as Bucky admired the new furniture he hadn’t seen yet, as Jane tried to convince Thor to sit down and stop playing with light settings, as Loki winked at her from the bench where he was once again attempting to teach Tony to knit.

It felt like coming home.

She was finally home again.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So, that's it for another part. Will there be more? Probably. I just don't know when. Real life is currently affording me less time to write than previously.
> 
> In the meantime, thank you so much for reading and for all feedback, I really do appreciate it.


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